Life has been good. So much has happened, both good and bad, but ultimately all is good. My ability to trust that all things happen according to God's perfect plan is such a blessing. I cannot imagine what life up until now would have been like without this faith. My fears and anxieties from before have lessened dramatically, and I feel so much more whole. There is obviously a long way to go from my ripe age of 27, but I feel so blessed and honored to have had so many blessings in these past 27 years. I often pray and tell God that I feel undeserving and overwhelmed by how He has been with me and taken care of me in such a personal way each and everyday. In college, a lot of these revelation moments came to me while driving my C230. Post married life and baby, the moments come most often in my kitchen while I am washing the dishes. I still have some special moments in my car, but it is rare since Ethan is almost always in the car with me.
Ethan. Yes, there is an Ethan now. I stopped journaling around the time I was dating Don, my husband. I regret not keeping a journal to document my relationship with Don and the first year and a half of raising Ethan. But then again, there really wasn't much time for things like journaling. I spent almost every waking moment for the past 19 months tending to Ethan and all his needs. Worth it. I just want to take this moment to pat myself on the back for a job well done thus far. I have never felt more accomplished and prouder than I do now in this very moment. Getting married and having a baby were my two main goals/dreams. Well, I did both before turning 27. And you know what? It was/is just as amazing as I always thought it would be.
Getting married and learning to love someone as I love myself has been an amazing journey. It has stretched me further than I have ever been stretched before, especially in regards to selflessness. Don is my soul mate. I believe wholeheartedly that he is the perfect match for me. God so very meticulously brought us together so that we could become one in unity in His name. Don is kind, childlike, simple, and patient. He embodies those things to the fullest. I have come to see that I lack a great deal, mostly in those areas. Living with him has challenged me to admit that I am oftentimes mean spirited, easily angered, and impatient. I say admit, because I have barely begun working on those things. It took these past couple years for me to realize it and acknowledge it. All this isn't to say that he is perfect. Oh no. But then again, his life and actions accurately reflect where he professes to be spiritually, which is a whole lot better than being a hypocrite like myself. I am working on it.
Having a baby was a huge game changer. This, too, has been amazing! There is no way to put in words how I feel about being a mother. I lied. There are ways, but it would take forever to try and fully express myself. I will just say this. Becoming a mother has changed EVERY part of me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I sometimes feel like I am seeing myself and my life from a different set of eyes altogether. Clarity. Definitely more clarity in all the areas of my life. Also, exhaustion. Sheer exhaustion from giving myself to my husband and son. Everything I am writing sounds so generic in nature when compared to all the minute details I have inside my mind.
I need to slow down. I am trying to fit five years worth of journaling into one blog entry. Absurd. It is also 12:30 AM. Time for bed. There are a few things I am trying to do starting now. Blogging is one of them and so is going to bed at an earlier time than my usual 1, 2, 3, AM. This is all part of my desire to grow and become better as a person. And of course, to reignite my relationship with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I feel hungry. I have been feeling it for a while, but I was binging to try and ignore it. It seems symbolic and not at all coincidental that Don, Eileen, and I talked about starting a Paleo eating lifestyle after this coming weekend. As I fix my physical eating habits, it will be the perfect opportunity to fix my spiritual eating habits as well. I hope to be filled with more of Him and less of me, so basically more GOOD food and less CRAP food.
Revival in my heart. Revival is all around, but I want to see it. I am hungry for revival again.
Lord bring revival, start with me.
